Boosting Confidence and Cultivating Growth through Recognizing Your Contributions
Reading Time: 3 minutesIn the pursuit of personal development and self-improvement, the concept of practicing gratitude has gained significant attention. Gratitude journals, mindfulness practices, and thankfulness exercises have become popular tools to enhance overall well-being. However, a subtle yet profound shift in perspective suggests that instead of focusing solely on gratitude, acknowledging and recording our contributions can be a more potent catalyst for building confidence and fostering personal growth. Sheryl Sandberg’s Experiment Sheryl Sandberg, the Chief Operating Officer of Facebook, faced a period of self-doubt and low confidence following her husband’s sudden death. In an effort to help her recover, psychologist Adam Grant suggested a unique approach – rather than practicing gratitude, Sandberg should record three things she did well every day. For six months, Sandberg faithfully adhered to this practice, and the results were enlightening. Counting Contributions vs. Counting Blessings Adam Grant and his colleague, Jane Dutton, conducted research on the impact of gratitude versus recognizing one’s contributions. Their findings challenged the conventional wisdom that gratitude is the key to boosting confidence and effort. Rather, they discovered that counting contributions, actively acknowledging the positive actions we take, has a more significant impact. The Passive Nature of Gratitude Gratitude, while undoubtedly valuable, tends to be passive in nature. It makes us appreciative of what we receive, fostering a sense of thankfulness. However, it may not necessarily fuel our confidence or inspire greater effort. Sandberg’s experience highlights that relying solely on gratitude might not be sufficient in rebuilding one’s self-esteem. The Active Power of Contributions On the other hand, contributions are active. When we recognize and record the positive actions we take, it serves as a powerful reminder that we can make a difference. This shift in focus from receiving to contributing is transformative. It empowers individuals to see their impact on the world, reinforcing a sense of efficacy and self-worth. Building Confidence and Fostering Growth Recording daily contributions goes beyond merely patting ourselves on the back for things we did well or contributed to others. It becomes a reflective practice that encourages self-awareness and a proactive mindset. As Sandberg attests, the act of acknowledging personal achievements cultivates a positive feedback loop, boosting confidence and motivating individuals to continue making meaningful contributions. Encouraging Others to Recognize Their Achievements Inspired by her own transformative experience, Sandberg now encourages her friends and colleagues to adopt the habit of writing down what they do well. The consistent feedback from those who have embraced this practice is unanimous – they wish they had started doing it sooner. Examples of Contributions Your 3 things don’t have to be groundbreaking or earth shattering to count. It could be something like listening to a friend going through a tough time, making a nice dinner for your family, or painting your nails well! Big or small, you can count them! We are all good at things (different things!), and through this exercise you might find that you are capable of a lot more than you consciously realized. Conclusion In the journey of personal development, the power of recognizing our contributions cannot be overstated. While gratitude has its place, actively acknowledging the positive actions we take fosters a sense of confidence, purpose, and empowerment. Shifting our focus from what we receive to what we contribute can be a game-changer in building resilience and cultivating a mindset of continuous growth. So, instead of merely counting our blessings, consider beginning to count and celebrate your contributions every day.
Why You Should Write Your Own Obituary: A Reflective Writing Exercise
Reading Time: 3 minutesSomeone once told me that she writes her own obituary as a writing exercise at least once a year. At first, I was shocked. I thought this was totally strange behavior. Why would you want to come face-to-face with the idea of dying? Why would you want to make it so real through a tangible exercise like this? But this woman explained that she had no intention of dying anytime soon and instead used it as a tool for self-reflection and priority reevaluation. I was intrigued. I sat down and I tried it myself. Always a fan of writing, I found myself getting emotionally invested in the writing exercise and the story of my life. I had to really think: what parts of my life were most important? What did I want people to remember? What did I want to glaze over? Who did I want to call out as most important to me? And through this exercise, I started to piece together the parts of my life that I felt mattered — to me and to those closest to me. Summarizing my life to around 1800 words meant that things that I spent painstaking hours on became irrelevant or reduced to a sentence or two. The details of how good my grades were, what outfits I wore, or anything else mundane wouldn’t matter after I was gone. The experience was emotional – I experienced intense emotions of pride, sadness, love, and fear. All at the same time. At the end of the exercise, I had a document that summarized who I was, the life I’ve lived, and how I wanted to be remembered. I clicked “save.” I may do it again next year. And the year after that. Here’s why I think you should do it, too. In our hectic lives, pausing to contemplate your mortality through writing your own obituary can be profoundly enlightening. Though initially daunting, this exercise offers valuable insights, irrespective of age or health. Specifically, it can help you with: 1. Priority Evaluation: Writing your own obituary prompts introspection on whether your current pursuits align with your true priorities and aspirations. Sometimes in the moment, you can feel like something so small matters so much. You may realize when writing your obituary that it doesn’t. 2. Gratitude: In writing your obituary, you naturally want to write about the things you did well, the things you are proud of, the love you’ve experienced. This exercise will inevitably make you feel grateful for the more positive experiences you’ve had. Going forward, you might even start looking at life’s more fleeting moments with a different perspective. You can think to yourself, “Would this be something I’d remember when reflecting on my life?” And you may be more grateful for it. 3. Mortality Acknowledgment: Even though it’s not the point of the exercise, confronting death cultivates acceptance of the inevitable – that one day we will all die – allowing us to embrace daily life and live a more purposeful existence. 4. Self-Reflection: What was lacking from your obituary this time around? What do you wish you could’ve included? What do you hope to be able to write by next year or the year after that? This exercise serves as a catalyst for personal growth, inspiring actionable steps towards a more meaningful future. So on a rainy day, give it a try. You might be surprised how much it means to you.
Buyer Beware: Medical Devices Do Have Side Effects
Reading Time: 5 minutesThe Allure of Medical Devices Everyone knows that medications have side effects. TV ads and our doctors make sure we are aware. Unlike medications, one of the allures of medical devices is that they are often advertised as having “no side effects.” As someone with a complex chronic pain syndrome for over a decade, and who works in the chronic pain space as the founder of Override Health, you can imagine that I have tested my fair share of medical devices. I always have my eyes and ears open for new and promising innovations – for myself and for my Override patients. They Can Have Side Effects But I have found that many of these medical devices are much more dangerous than advertised. One medical device left me with permanent and non-stop tinnitus (ear ringing) in my left ear; customer service checked in on me for a couple days and then stopped calling. Another medical device left my feet numb and tingling for hours after use; I did not continue using the device to find out if continued use would’ve led to permanent numbness and tingling. Occasionally, people find out through medical device usage that they are electrically sensitive and experience various side effects related to it. Other device users might be experiencing side effects but not realize a relation to the device if it isn’t obvious. Many medical devices are well-intentioned but simply haven’t been tested sufficiently. A company once sent me a device that had a sticker on it saying: “Not tested yet on humans.” I wasn’t sure I wanted to be the first, so that one is still hanging out under my bed untouched. One Particular “Miracle” Device In April, I opened an Instagram ad for a headache device (I won’t name the name). I clicked on the website and was immediately impressed. It boasted that over 90% of users experience instant relief. It was extremely reasonably priced at $30 with a 90 day moneyback guarantee. The reviews were outstanding – things like: “Don’t question it. Just buy it” and “It works. It works. It works.” I dug into the science a little bit and was impressed that this device was not even electrically powered, as most are. It didn’t require batteries or the cable connected to the wall. The mechanism involved creating pressure through air suction in the ear canal to relieve pressure in the head. It looked like a miracle device. Why didn’t every headache sufferer in the world have one of these?, I thought. Validating the Reputation of the Device Out of curiosity, I looked up the product on https://www.amazon.com/. I sometimes do that to get a better sense of customer reviews and confirm legitimacy, as I tend to trust Amazon more than I do the direct websites. (I know that the trustworthiness of Amazon reviews is also debated.) To my surprise, the product was on Amazon and only received about 3.5 stars. Not great. I scrolled down to the one-star reviews because I was interested in potential side effects and disaster reviews. 19% of the reviews were one star reviews. That’s essentially 1in 5 users who say that the device is either worthless… or worse. Some of the reviews simply said that it was a gimmick, a waste of money, or completely unhelpful. But even scarier, I started to read review after review that said that this device that uses pressure inside of the ear actually DAMAGED EARDRUMS. If it’s shocking to you, you better believe that it was to the injured consumers as well. Many of them used capital letters just like that to express their horror as to their DAMAGED EARDRUMS. They thought they were getting headache relief and then they ended up with a worse problem. I don’t doubt that this product helps people. I do not believe that the positive reviews are bogus. But can you imagine if you were the 1 in the 1 in 5 users that gets a damaged eardrum from trying the device that was touted as an affordable, safe, miracle medical device? The Future of Medical Devices I remain optimistic about the latest advances in the pain industry, and medical devices are a big part of that. I believe that the vast majority of the people focused on pain innovation do it because they are mission driven and believe that their product or service will help people. Good intentions, however, do not cancel out harm done to real people. And not everything is as safe as it may be advertised as. The unfortunate reality is that every new medical device has to be tested first on someone (many people) before it can be deemed safe or FDA approved. To have new innovation, we have to get through a testing and tweaking process, which involves risk to early users or adopters. So that’s part of the process. But let’s at least do it with our eyes wide open. My Advice Evaluate devices just as you would evaluate pills or proposed surgeries or procedures. And start slow. If something weird happens, consider calling customer support or your doctor and discontinuing use. Don’t just push through, assuming no side effects are possible. A Quick Plug for Virtual Care like Override One of the things I love about Override Health’s virtual pain management services is the safety of what we do. Our physicians do prescribe medication (although not opioids), so of course there can be side effects of these medications. Outside of that, though, our providers (including our physical therapists) work with patients virtually, which means we don’t inject them, do surgery on them, adjust them like chiropractors or osteopaths, attempt to release trigger points, or anything else that might be painful during or afterwards – especially when done poorly. Especially our highly sensitive patients, who flare easily, do not have to subject themselves to the risk of touch or procedures gone wrong. Our patients feel safe because they are receiving care from the comfort of home where they are
The Ingenuity Developed through Chronic Pain
Reading Time: 3 minutesChronic pain is a relentless companion for many, but for those living with it, it often becomes a crucible for ingenuity and innovation. When faced with daily challenges that most people never consider, these individuals frequently devise creative solutions to navigate their lives. This ingenuity is not only inspiring but also provides valuable lessons for everyone, especially in the workplace where hiring people with disabilities can lead to unparalleled innovation. The Ingenuity Born from Chronic Pain Living with chronic pain requires constant adaptation. Tasks that seem simple, such as opening a jar or working on normal office equipment, can become monumental challenges. Yet, those with chronic pain develop unique methods to accomplish these tasks, demonstrating resilience and creativity. Example 1: Adaptive Tools and Gadgets Consider the story of Sarah, who has rheumatoid arthritis. The stiffness and pain in her joints made it difficult to use standard kitchen utensils. Instead of giving up cooking, she designed her own adaptive tools. She modified handles to be larger and easier to grip and added non-slip materials to ensure she could still enjoy her culinary passion. Sarah’s kitchen is now a testament to her ingenuity, filled with bespoke tools that cater to her specific needs. Example 2: Reimagining Mobility John, who lives with chronic back pain, found that traditional office chairs exacerbated his condition. After experimenting with various solutions, he combined elements of a standing desk with a reclining chair setup. This allowed him to switch between standing and reclining throughout the day, significantly reducing his discomfort and increasing his productivity. His hybrid workstation is now a model for ergonomic innovation. Creativity and Problem-Solving: The Impact of Disabilities on Innovation People with physical disabilities often develop exceptional problem-solving skills out of necessity. Their ability to think outside the box can lead to breakthroughs that benefit not only themselves but also the wider community. Example 3: Technological Innovations Steve, a software developer with limited hand mobility, created a voice-activated coding interface. Traditional coding required extensive typing, which was painful and slow for him. By leveraging voice recognition technology, he was able to continue his work efficiently. This innovation didn’t just help Steve; it opened doors for many others with similar disabilities to enter the tech field. Example 4: Universal Design Principles Karen, who uses a wheelchair, became an advocate for universal design after encountering numerous accessibility barriers. Her experiences led her to design public spaces that were more inclusive. Her contributions have influenced urban planning and architecture, making spaces more accessible to everyone, regardless of their physical abilities. The Case for Hiring People with Disabilities The stories of Sarah, John, Steve, and Karen highlight a crucial point: people with disabilities bring a wealth of innovative potential to the workplace. When companies embrace diversity and inclusion, they tap into a rich vein of creativity and problem-solving skills. 1. Diverse Perspectives: People with disabilities often approach problems differently due to their unique experiences. This diversity in thought can lead to innovative solutions that might not be apparent to those without similar experiences. 2. Resilience and Adaptability: Chronic pain and disabilities require constant adaptation. Employees who have navigated these challenges bring resilience and a can-do attitude, valuable traits in any work environment. 3. Improved Accessibility: Hiring people with disabilities can lead to more inclusive product designs and services. As seen with Karen’s work in urban planning, firsthand experience with accessibility challenges can drive the creation of more inclusive and widely applicable solutions. 4. Enhanced Corporate Culture: Inclusivity fosters a more compassionate and empathetic workplace. This can improve morale, increase employee retention, and attract top talent who value diversity. The ingenuity of those living with chronic pain and disabilities is a powerful reminder of the human spirit’s resilience. Their ability to turn adversity into innovation not only enriches their own lives but also offers profound lessons for society and the business world. By recognizing and harnessing the unique talents of people with disabilities, we can foster a culture of creativity, resilience, and groundbreaking innovation that benefits everyone.
Keep a “Hype List” to Reference During Tough Times
Reading Time: 4 minutesLife is full of ups and downs, and sometimes the downs can feel overwhelming and often. During these tough times, it’s easy to forget about our achievements, our strengths, and what we mean to other people. This is where a “Hype List” or “Attagirl List” or “Attaboy List” comes in. This simple but powerful tool can be a beacon of positivity and a reminder of our worth and accomplishments. I started one for myself a few months after closing Override Health’s first financing round in 2022. Suddenly, it went from my dad and me starting a company without pay or anyone else depending on us to having a Board of Directors and investors watching me closely as founding CEO. Override quickly acquired a small coaching company, and with that, about a dozen employees. Override then hired its own employees. I quickly learned that while I was responsible for managing so many, very few compliment or boost the CEO, yet the expectation was to do everything right and not show weaknesses. Especially when things were not going well with the company – and startups are full of highs and lows – it was easy to take things personally and feel down about myself. Every so often, though, I received a text message from a friend or my mom saying how proud they were of me for what we’ve built. Or maybe it was a random LinkedIn message from someone saying that I inspired them through the work I was doing and my personal story of chronic pain. Or the virtual birthday card that my team arranged for me one year where everyone said what they appreciated about me as a leader. I started saving these in a document. Over time, this became my hype list. What is a “Hype List”? A “Hype List” is a personal collection of positive affirmations, achievements, compliments, and proud moments. It’s a list that you can turn to when you’re feeling down, doubting yourself, or needing a boost of confidence. The list can include anything that makes you feel good about yourself, from small daily victories to major life accomplishments. Why You Need One 1. Boosts Self-Esteem: When you’re feeling low, looking back at your Hype List can remind you of your worth and capability. It’s like having a personal cheerleader in your computer or pocket. 2. Counteracts Negative Thoughts: Our minds can sometimes be our own worst enemies. A Hype List can help counteract negative self-talk by reminding you of your positive qualities and past successes. 3. Provides Perspective: In challenging times, it’s easy to lose perspective and feel like things will never get better. Reviewing your list can remind you of other tough times you’ve faced and overcome, providing hope and perspective. 4. Encourages Gratitude: Reflecting on your achievements and the good things people have said about you encourages a mindset of gratitude, which has been shown to improve mental health and well-being. This is a little bit like keeping a gratitude list, although it’s different. How to Create Your Hype List 1. Start Small: Begin with a few things that you’re proud of or that have made you feel good. This could be a project you completed, a compliment you received, or a personal quality you like about yourself. 2. Be Specific: Instead of writing “I’m good at my job,” write something specific like “I received praise from my boss for my presentation skills” and copy over what your boss emailed you! Specific details make the memories more vivid and impactful. 3. Include Various Aspects of Life: Don’t just focus on professional achievements. Include personal milestones, positive feedback from friends and family, and any other moments that made you feel proud or happy. 4. Keep It Accessible: Whether you choose to keep a physical notebook, a digital document, or an app, make sure your Hype List is easily accessible. You’ll want to be able to turn to it whenever you need a boost. You’ll also want to be able to add to it whenever something pops up that is appropriate to add. 5. Update Regularly: Life is full of new experiences and achievements. Regularly update your list to keep it current and reflective of your ongoing journey. Record the dates to help jog your memory as to what an item was about. 6. Any Format is Fine: This doesn’t have to be a neat and tidy list in a singular format. You can paste in screenshots of nice text messages you received, voice recordings, your own accounts of things that happened, photos, etc. Using Your Hype List When you’re feeling down or going through a tough time, take a few moments to review your Hype List. Reflect on each entry and remember the feelings of pride, happiness, and accomplishment associated with them. This practice can help shift your mindset from a negative space to a more positive and empowered one. You might consider making it a habit to review your list regularly, not just when you’re feeling low. Regular reflection can help reinforce your self-esteem and keep you motivated. So why not start today? Your future self will thank you. How a Hype List Might Help with Chronic Pain Recovery Pain science (or pain neuroscience) has a lot of research on the need to lay new, more positive neural pathways in order to override old, negative, and painful neural pathways that have caused you to live in a sustained period of chronic pain. These pain neural pathways are difficult to break. Purposely focusing on gratitude, joy, humor, play, and what is right in your life are some of the ways recommended to start laying these new neural pathways. A Hype List can help. Of course this isn’t simple, but small things like a Hype List, in combination with a lot of other approaches, intentionality, and hard work – including treatment by a team of chronic pain specialists like at Override Health – can add up to make a bigger
Embracing Adversity: Lessons from the Sequoia Tree
Reading Time: 3 minutesImagine standing before a towering sequoia tree in California’s Sierra Nevada – its majestic height reaching 250 to 300 feet. The sheer size of the tree evokes a sense of awe, reminding you of how small we can feel in the face of life’s challenges. Just as these giants stand strong despite natural disasters and storms, we too can find strength in adversity. Sequoia trees have a remarkable ability to not just survive but to thrive in the face of fire. Their thick, fibrous bark acts as a shield, protecting the inner wood from flames. This incredible adaptation serves as a powerful metaphor for how we can respond to our own challenges and distress. In the wild, sequoias flourish in landscapes that remind us of life’s complexities, including chronic pain and emotional turmoil. Their bark, several feet thick, insulates them against the intense heat of fire. Similarly, we all have our own protective strategies—our “shields”—to guard against emotional and physical harm. This could be humor, a positive outlook, community, spirituality. Often, we believe that working harder, pushing ourselves, or distracting ourselves will keep us safe, but these methods can sometimes lead us further away from true healing. I’ll suggest below that curiosity is perhaps our best armor. The Fire Within: Growth Through Adversity So, how do these mighty trees relate to our experiences with chronic distress and pain? One fascinating aspect of sequoias is that their cones only open in response to extreme heat. After a fire, the conditions become perfect for their seeds to germinate and thrive. This natural resilience parallels our own journeys: just as sequoias emerge stronger after a blaze, we too can find opportunities for growth amidst our struggles. You might wonder how it applies to your current situation. We are all unique, each carrying a narrative that shapes our lives. Some narratives are conscious, such as “I am a hard worker” or “I never give up.” However, many of our most impactful stories operate beneath the surface, influencing our reactions and decisions without our awareness. Cultivating a Curious Mindset A study published in the Journal of Pain found that about 60% of individuals with chronic pain reported that their experiences with pain led to improved coping strategies and greater resilience. Curiosity itself can be one of the best tools for enhancing resiliency because it allows us to be open to new perspectives, different ideas, and the ability to grow within life’s journey. A curious mindset acts as a form of armor, promoting both physical and emotional well-being. This “bark” not only protects us but helps those around us by fostering understanding. Curiosity invites us to explore our feelings and experiences deeply, allowing us to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively or make faulty assumptions. When faced with adversity, this mindset can break the cycle of fight or flight — a cycle which often creates tension and heightened pain. Curiosity also cultivates openness to new perspectives. When we encounter challenges, this flexibility allows us to explore alternative solutions and insights we might not have considered. Embracing diverse viewpoints can lead to innovative problem-solving and a more resilient approach to adversity. Growth and Adversity Research in Psychological Bulletin indicates that approximately 50% of individuals who experience significant trauma or chronic pain report experiencing something called post-traumatic growth, which includes positive changes in self-perception, relationships, and life philosophy. This growth, akin to how the sequoia flourishes after an immense fire, can be a key to self-discovery. Another intriguing aspect of the sequoia’s journey is that, during a fire, while branches may be scorched and foliage damaged—halting photosynthesis—the tree’s growth isn’t permanently stunted. Similarly, when we feel broken or overwhelmed, it’s essential to remember that these feelings are often temporary – even if they last a long time. Just like the sequoia, we can emerge from our struggles, ready to grow anew. This analogy serves as a powerful reminder of how adversity can lead to growth and resilience. By cultivating a curious mindset, we can develop the emotional and psychological “bark” needed to navigate life’s fires. Embracing our unique narratives and allowing ourselves to learn from challenges not only strengthens us but also enhances our ability to support others in their journeys. Just as the sequoias rise from the ashes, we too can find beauty and strength through our own trials, emerging more robust and ready to flourish. Resources: https://www.savetheredwoods.org/interactive/giant-sequoia-and-fire/#:~:text=Giant%20sequoia%20can%20thrive%20in,to%20be%203%2C200%20years%20old. Sullivan, M. J. L., et al. (2006). “The role of psychological factors in the experience of chronic pain.” Journal of Pain, 7(10), 752-758. Tedeschi, R. G., & Calhoun, L. G. (2004). “Posttraumatic Growth: Conceptual Foundations and Empirical Evidence.” Psychological Bulletin, 130(1), 1-24.
A Pain Physician on Why Chronic Pain is So Confusing and Agonizing
Reading Time: 5 minutesHave you consulted doctor the pain that affects your ability to enjoy life? Participating in activities you used to enjoy? Even just being with your family and friends? Have you gotten every lab and imaging test but are still left with more questions than answers? Have your complaints of persistent pain been dismissed as psychological or “all in your head”? If any that resonates, you aren’t alone. As a pain physician, patients come to me with these frustrations every day. Chronic pain is a common experience of the over 50 million Americans, according to the CDC. What really is chronic pain? When many people think of pain, they think of acute pain, such as a broken bone or sprain. This type of pain comes from tissue damage. We can see a broken bone on an X-Ray or deduce a sprain from an MRI but we can’t “see” the pain. We can also view lab results that suggest inflammation, but we again can’t “see” the pain. We can’t know how another individual experiences it. Pain is more complicated than the simple equation of: broken bone equals pain. Soldiers with limbs blown off in combat have dragged other fellow combatants from the battlefield with their remaining limbs. If pain was tied only to tissue damage, these soldiers would be writhing in pain, unable to do anything except lay there and scream in agony. The International Association for the Study of Pain defines pain as an unpleasant sensory AND emotional experience associated with actual OR potential tissue damage. Put another way, tissue damage does not have to be present to have pain; pain involves the body and the mind. To treat pain, we have to address the body and mind. Acute pain – pain caused by tissue damage – is easier to understand and is something we are all familiar with. You might think chronic pain is just a temporal continuation of acute pain – pain that lasts longer than 3 months. There would be good reason to think this; after all Webster’s Dictionary defines acute and chronic as differences in duration and “chronic pain” in its simplest definition is pain that lasts over three months. But chronic pain is actually an altogether different beast than acute pain. If acute pain is a small wave; chronic pain is a tsunami. Acute pain tends to only affect one part of the body such as a broken or burned leg or arm. The treatment for this type of pain is staying still to allow the body to heal itself. Because the source of pain is usually obvious for acute pain, family and friends step up to help with tasks that the injured person can’t do and provide comfort and company during the healing process. Medications such as anti-inflammatories and opioids can help support the injured person as the body heals. Once the tissue heals, medications are no longer required and pain recedes. Life returns to its pre-injury state! In acute pain, the body is supported with rest and mind is supported by social supports. Pain eventually recedes like water from the shoreline. Chronic pain, on the other hand, can be in one part of the body but often affects many body parts or even the whole body. Chronic pain begets more chronic pain; it’s its own disease state. To understand this, we have to understand that the nervous system transmits all types of sensations from the external environment that is interpreted by your brain in different ways. What if this nervous system started to hotwire on its own? What if it generated sensations interpreted to your brain as painful without any physical trigger? This is chronic pain. Many people go to a physician when they have pain, but because our diagnostic tests identified structural issues and not signaling problems, one test after another is obtained with no answers. Patients with chronic pain become frustrated because each normal test invalidates their experience. No way can this amount of pain be normal! Patients are often sent away from doctors’ offices without any better understanding of their symptoms or how they will achieve relief. But you know what? Many medical professionals do not have an adequate understanding of chronic pain either! Please forgive the doctor that accused the pain of being all in your head. He or she did not know better. American medical schools teach medical students on average 11 hours of pain instruction. Override is working to make chronic pain knowledge more accessible to both providers and patients alike. Chronic pain is truly complex and can affect the whole person. Because chronic pain is a signaling issue, no one can see the problem. As a result, people with chronic pain can feel very isolated. Those around the affected person cannot understand why she isn’t working a normal job, exercising, or socializing like she used to. Without relief in sight and appropriate empathy and validation from close ones, anxiety and depression or frequent results of sustained periods of chronic pain. Just as a tsunami tends to engulf entire cities, chronic pain can engulf entire lives. Effective chronic pain treatment is also far less straightforward. The suggested course of action for acute pain – stay still and rest until the pain goes away – doesn’t work for chronic pain. It can actually be counterproductive. That’s because the nervous system is designed to adapt to the current environment. If a person avoids moving parts of your body, the nerves don’t receive normal interactions and they adjust to the new normal. They even start causing continued pain sensations to maintain that new normal of not moving the parts of the body they perceived to be injured and damaged. The “hot wiring” of the nerves in that part of the body become even more revved up, which increases the sensitization of the nervous system and leads to continued and amplified pain. The treatment for chronic pain at its core is a carefully formulated combination of physical activity, pain education, and cognitive behavioral therapy to reset the nervous system. Medications alone
Sympathy vs. Empathy and Why It Matters
Reading Time: 3 minutesWhen I was in rehab for a spinal chord injury, I had a friend who would come into my room, stand at the foot of my bed, and sob. She would stay until she couldn’t take it anymore. I remember feeling so helpless. I wanted to be the friend she wanted—that healthy woman that could do anything. But there was nothing I could do about this. I was lying in a bed unable to care for myself. Her sympathy and pity fed my own victimhood, which wasn’t helpful to my recovery. Sympathy paralyzes, while empathy energizes, empowers, and restores. True empathy is enabling. When someone deeply understands and listens, it empowers others. Someone once told me that I’m an advocate for those with chronic pain. I didn’t want to be an advocate. Because the only advocates I could think of were those who were sympathizing instead of empathizing. Advocacy can be paralyzing. It can encourage a victim mentality and trap those with chronic pain. It keeps them dependent on drugs, procedures, pills, and searching for cures. It makes them dependent on others. Empathy is jumping in the hole with them. It’s saying, “Let’s figure out a way out of here. What can we do?” It is recognizing the reality of another’s situation to the extent that you are willing to put yourself in their reality. It empowers others to crawl out of the hole they have been in, and helps them to be able to thrive. When I was in my deepest pit, my doctor sat on a chair across from me and grabbed a yellow pad of paper and a pen. He asked, “Tell me about your pain. What has worked? What’s not working? What do you value? How can I help?” When I told him there was a medication that worked well for me, he lit up, “Really? Which one?” I replied, “Valium. It really takes the edge off this central nerve pain.” But because Dr. Gorsuch had been truly listening to me, and he understood that I valued a clear mind, my family, and a life of meaning and purpose, he didn’t take the easy way out. He didn’t just prescribe the more Valium and send me on my way. Instead, he said. “You don’t want that life. I promise you. Let’s look for other solutions. OK?” I’m so grateful for his empathy rather than sympathy. And that he helped me find another way. Research studies have shown that empathy in medical care enhances clinical results. In one study with over 20,000 diabetic patients, patients treated by physicians with high empathy scores had a significantly lower rate of acute medical complications from their condition. The same is extendable to nonphysician care for chronic conditions. We see this with the power of coaching: When we use a coachlike approach that prioritizes empathy, it empowers others. That is the compassionate restorative healing approach we utilize here at Override.
I Wanted So Badly to Make It to the Top
Reading Time: 4 minutesFrom the moment I heard about my law school best friend’s bachelorette party in Asheville, North Carolina, I worried about the activities she was planning and whether I would be able to participate. The scariest: she planned a couple hikes. Don’t get me wrong, I’m perfectly in shape. I eat well and exercise multiple times a week. Sometimes people look at me and say that they can tell I was a tennis player. My complex chronic pain syndrome, however, can make it difficult for me at times to walk limitlessly or participate in physical activities. Unfortunately, I sprained my ankle a few months before the trip when I tripped down a flight of steps. A few months is plenty of time for an ankle sprain to heal, but my injuries often don’t heal the way they do for other (“normal”) people. See, when I get hurt, my body (or more accurately, my brain and central nervous system) doesn’t necessarily let go of the pain when the injury heals. So three months after my sprain, my ankle was still in severe pain. I understood that the sprain was realistically healed at the time of the hike – that even though the pain lingered, it was no longer acute pain and had crossed the line into chronic pain that was perpetuated more by my brain and central nervous system than by any lingering tissue damage. At this point when the pain enters into the chronic pain phase, I know from years of experience and learning about pain that it’s time to go back to normal use and build back the affected area’s strength. Sending messages of safety to the body through normal movement and use is one of the best ways to convince the brain that the body is no longer hurt and eventually calm the pain down. It’s a tricky balance, though, because the brain’s first instinct to resumed activity will be to increase the pain. It does this as a misguided form of protecting the body. Too much pain will only make pain levels worse by increasing the fear and messages of danger sent to the brain. Pounding the affected area relentlessly, just like continuing to rest and not use it, are both counterproductive. It’s a fine line that isn’t easy to locate. Several weeks before the bachelorette weekend, I started taking small walks – 10-15 minutes at a time – by myself. I hadn’t broke through the pain yet, but I set the goal of going on one hike during bachelorette weekend. I discussed it at length with the bride and her sister so that I would know in advance the total distance of the hike (2 miles). I decided together with my pain coach that I was ready for it. I wanted to do it. I envisioned the satisfaction I would feel after completing it. About 15 minutes into the hike, though, I asked the other women how far they thought we had gone. One of them looked at her Apple watch and said we had only gone.35 miles, which meant we had another .65 miles to the top and then another full mile to the bottom. My ankle was already flaring and I didn’t think I could push it another 1.65 miles. I told the group that I was going to stop there and see them at the bottom. Making that decision and saying it aloud to the others was really hard for me. For better or worse, nobody tried to stop me. Nobody encouraged me to keep going. Nobody asked if they should walk me back down. Nobody asked if I was going to be okay. They kept climbing, while I stopped. So there I was in the middle of the mountain. Alone. Disappointed. Defeated. Defeat is something I don’t take lightly. I was a nationally ranked tennis and squash player and I took great pride in my scrappiness and fighting spirit. I still do. Knowing I had time to kill before the rest of the group would finish the hike, I took a seat on a nearby rock. I tried to appreciate the view. (“Tried” is the keyword.) I tried not to cry. (I succeeded.) I took a picture of myself smiling. (That didn’t feel right.) I took another photo – this time without smiling so much. And then I did what I always do when I am upset: I called my mom. She was upset for me. She told me she wished I hadn’t gone on the hike and tried at all. She wasn’t sure why I did. But I disagree. Even though I didn’t like the outcome and was sad I didn’t make it to the top of the mountain, I was glad I tried. I still got to participate for some of the hike instead of waiting in the cramped van. I still got to see the view from the hiking trail. I still got fresh air. I still got a picture. And while I was embarrassed and concerned about the group judging me for not completing the hike, I reminded myself that nobody else was really focused on it except me. I’ll make it to the top another time.
A Metaphor: Pain as a Friend
Reading Time: 3 minutesViewing pain as a friend may seem counterintuitive at first, as pain is typically associated with discomfort and distress, and friends are not. However, my perspective is rooted in the idea that pain can serve as a valuable and informative companion on our life journey. The role of pain Pain is most often thought of as an enemy, but are there situations where pain is our friend? Yes! Leprosy (Hansen’s disease) patients can lose the sensation of pain due to damaged peripheral nerves. As a result, people with leprosy suffer medical complications and death due to the absence of pain signals. For them, the sensation of pain is a friend that lets them know when they are in danger. Pain is the body’s way of signaling that something is wrong. It acts as an internal alarm system, drawing attention to areas that need care and attention. Just as a caring friend tries to warn you before things go wrong, pain alerts you to potential harm or damage – prompting you to take necessary actions to address the underlying issues. This is how we survive. Chronic pain as an error signal But sometimes that friend ends up hurting you more than helping you. We all have had friends like that. Chronic pain is a dysfunctional type of pain, hurting you for no good reason. So what do you do when a human friend hurts you? You might recognize the friendship is dysfunctional, confront your friend, set boundaries, attempt reconciliation – any number of things. When it seems that your friend’s intentions are simply malicious, you might decide to turn your back on that friend and not be friends anymore. We have a similarly complicated dynamic with chronic pain, and eventually we want to find a way to and the friendship with chronic pain (not acute pain). While acute pain (that pain you feel when you touch a hot stove or slam a hammer on your thumb) helps keep us safe, chronic pain is just an error message that causes unnecessary suffering. Yet it’s usually not easy or quick to say goodbye to chronic pain, and it requires a great amount of courage and growth to do so. In the meantime, we can still treat pain – even chronic pain – like a friend. Pain has a role in personal growth Embracing pain as a friend means recognizing that challenges and difficulties often lead to personal growth. Difficult experiences can teach us important lessons about ourselves, our resilience, and our capacity to overcome obstacles. In this sense, pain becomes a wise teacher guiding us through the lessons of life. Facing and enduring pain can build resilience and inner strength. Like a friend who encourages you to face challenges head-on, pain can push you to discover untapped reserves of strength and courage within yourself. Overcoming pain fosters a sense of empowerment and confidence. Chronic pain also demands our attention and presence in the current moment. Instead of trying to avoid or numb the pain, acknowledging it allows for a deeper understanding of its source. This mindfulness can lead to a more profound connection with oneself and the ability to navigate difficult emotions with greater awareness. Chronic pain often serves as a powerful motivator for change. Just as a concerned friend might encourage you to make positive shifts in your life, the discomfort of pain can inspire a reevaluation of habits, lifestyle, and priorities, leading to positive transformations. Experiencing pain can enhance our appreciation for pleasure and joy. Like a friend who helps you appreciate the good times by contrasting them with the difficult ones, pain can amplify the beauty of life’s positive experiences. Sharing pain can also deepen connections with others. When we open up about our struggles in group coaching, for example, we often find empathy and support from those who have faced similar challenges. Pain, in this sense, becomes a common ground that fosters understanding and compassion in relationships. Shifting perspectives on pain While embracing pain as a friend doesn’t mean seeking out unnecessary suffering, it does encourage a shift in perspective. By acknowledging the role of pain in our lives and approaching it with curiosity and resilience, we can extract valuable lessons and foster personal growth. This mindset reframes pain from being solely an adversary to becoming a companion in the complex journey of life. Through intentional treatment and a supportive care team, our hope for you is that you will learn to navigate your relationship with chronic pain, such that you can reap the benefits from what living with pain has taught you but also put chronic pain in its place so it is no longer wreaking havoc on your life.
