“We either make ourselves happy or miserable. The amount of work is the same.”
– Carlos Castaneda

Many of us have let problems get in the way of living a joyful life. There are varying opinions on whether our brains are designed for happiness, but watch a baby learn to laugh, and you have to wonder if we aren’t wired for happiness. Life hands each of us challenges and disasters—in our case, chronic illness—so how can we live a joyful life in spite of problems? This lesson explores the bone structure of happiness and how we can reinstate it where chronic illness has interfered.

What is happiness?
Experts on the human mind—psychiatrists, neuroscientists, behavioral specialists, psychologists—say it’s being satisfied or content rather than bursting with glee. But it’s easy to slip into a mindset that says if only ____, I’d be happy. Being happy is more about the way we respond and think about life than it is about things (possessions, relationships, career, or money) making us happy. Unlimited wealth and fame are no protection from depression, addiction, poor health, or unhappiness. Catherine Weber describes joy as a system-wide (brain, heart/emotion, body) state of being that thrives on positive emotions.

Think about joys that are brain-driven: passing an exam, finding the perfect word to express a thought, solving a puzzle, inventing something. Heart-inspired joy might include affection, being grateful, the pleasure of sharing life with a pet, volunteering to help someone else succeed, a loving relationship, the peace and strength gained through religious or spiritual beliefs and practices, and being aware of the beauty around us. Joys involving the body might include physical
exertion, engaging in something creative, getting a massage, sharing an activity with someone, or getting a good night’s rest.

What gets in the way of happiness or joy?
• Worrying about the future or regretting the past — Right now is the best time to experience
happiness.
• Expectations — Thinking things should be a certain way can set us up for disappointment or
frustration.
• Automatic negative thoughts — Framing thoughts in the negative can become an unintended habit
that causes us to focus on everything except what brings satisfaction and happiness.

We associate many conditions and emotions with unhappiness: disappointment, anger, fear, discontent, poor health, losing a loved one; and you may be including your chronic illness. But there are millions of people who live through all those things and are still enchanted with life. In his book, Learned Optimism, Dr. Seligman credits negativity for increases in depression, lowered immune systems, and overall misery—all elements that can also accompany chronic illness.

So how does a made-for-happiness brain overcome obstacles and stay happy?
In his book, The Happiness Trap, Russ Harris suggests that living in the moment affords us the best chance at happiness.
This doesn’t mean we experience no adversity, but that we spend our time focused on the best parts of now. Harris reminds us that joy is not the absence of pain or difficulty. Popular conceptions of happiness can set us up for a “struggle against reality,” because they don’t acknowledge that real life is full of disappointment, loss, and inconvenience.

In her inspirational book, A Thousand Gifts, Ann Voskamp journals her transition from hating life to treasuring it—from
being overwhelmed and afraid to discovering that being grateful for small things increased her joy. Barbara Fredrickson suggests making a habit of balancing a negative thought with three things that are good or worth being thankful for, especially if they relate to the negative thought or experience. Learning to live joyfully isn’t a limitation on feelings, says Carlin Flora. Happiness would be meaningless if not for the contrast of sadness. Frustrations point us to what we want to change.

How do sadness and joy affect our pain?
Have you ever noticed how your body reacts to being upset or angry? An argument at dinner virtually shuts down digestion and causes a stomachache. A verbal fight can make sleep almost impossible. Depression alone can slow our body functions, contribute to tension, and keep us from moving. An ancient saying may be pointedly accurate: “You will not be punished for your anger. You will be punished by your anger.”

Tal Ben-Shahar shares in his book, Happier, that rates of depression are 10 times higher today than they were in the 1960s, and the average age for the onset of depression has dropped from 29 to 14 in the same time period. A study of college students shows that nearly 45% of students are depressed enough they have difficulty doing everyday activities. And this is happening when levels of wealth are on the rise. Ben-Shahar’s summation that “even though our generation…is wealthier than previous generations, we are not happier for it,” should intrigue us enough to explore our own level of contentment and find ways to increase our joy. Dr. Amen concludes that “negative thought patterns change the brain in a negative way.”

Think about the flip side—being joyful and content: the body relaxes, heart and lungs assume a rested rhythm, digestion is efficient, and sleep comes easier. Contentment and joy are decidedly easier on our bodies than being disgruntled, angry or depressed. Picture how much “happier” your body is when you are enjoying life and sharing it with happy people.

In his book Flourish, Martin Seligman, PhD, writes about his Master Resilience Training program for military personnel with post-traumatic stress disorders. One of the exercises, “Hunt the Good Stuff,” works to enhance positive emotions. “Our rationale is that people who habitually acknowledge and express gratitude see benefits in their health, sleep, and relationships, and they perform better.”

If “hunting the good stuff” can draw a war veteran out of the debilitating experience of PTSD, might it not have value for those of us dealing with chronic illness? Dr. Amen’s extensive research on the brain’s ability to change with various inputs leads to this recommendation: “Write down five things you are grateful for every day. Our research suggests that focusing on gratitude helps to calm the deep limbic or emotional areas of the brain and enhances the judgment centers.”

Intentional happiness
It’s doubtful anyone wants (or chooses) to be sad or depressed. But could it be that we allow ourselves to react to life in a mostly automatic way, rather than being intentional in our response to life’s difficulties and disappointments? Listen to yourself and the conversations of others, and it won’t take long to realize how often we say things like It makes me so mad, I just hate…, I’m so depressed. But how often do we hear things like I’ve made up my mind not to fret about it … Despite my problems, I choose to find joy … I am so grateful for ______…?

A Christian minister, Charles Swindoll, writes about his own life, saying that attitude has been more important than the past, facts, education, money, circumstances, failure, success, what other people think or say, giftedness, or skill. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace. His conclusion: “I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.