The more one focuses on a particular interpretation of a situation, the more this is held stable and becomes “the reality.”

– Anette Prehn

Have you ever noticed that two people can tell the same story in two very different ways?  Not only do the points of view vary, but variations in details and how it ends may convince you these two people were not at the same event.

Reframing is similar to telling a story another way.  It’s like putting a new picture frame on an old picture.  The picture is still the same, but it has been updated to better fit the décor.

Reframing allows us to change the way we think about a situation or memory, and by doing that we gain control of the way it affects us. It is called cognitive reframing—a way of thinking in a different way.

The stories we repeat to ourselves every day are the stories that drive us forward or backward, convince us of our current status, and affect our chronic illness.  This is why reframing becomes an important tool in our toolbox.  Reframing is a way of changing the way we look at something.  It helps us alter our perceptions of stressors, and this goes a long way in relieving stress.

Wellness coach, Elizabeth Scott describes it this way: “reframing is a way of changing the way you look at something and, thus, changing your experience of it.”  Do you recall the story in lesson #1 about the difference between soldiers and citizens injured in World War II?  A medic, observing that injured civilians needed more pain medication than soldiers did, concluded that residents felt trapped by circumstances beyond their control, while the soldiers were relieved to get off the front line—both sustained the same wounds but viewed the personal tragedy in different ways.

Elizabeth explains that intentional reframing can turn an unfortunate event either into a major trauma or a challenge to be overcome, can be the difference between a bad day being a tragedy or a mildly low point in an otherwise great life, and can mean a negative situation becomes a learning experience or a life wrecker.  “In pain or stress management, it’s a method of viewing what happens in ways that create less stress and promote a greater sense of peace and control.”

What is Reframing?

Reframing what is a reality is not positive thinking or burying our heads in the sand.  It’s a personal choice to interpret an experience or situation for ourselves.  Reframing is a human intellectual ability that allows us to change the way we think about a situation or memory, and neutralize any emotional charge related to it.  In our lessons about automatic negative thoughts and how to improve them, we set the stage for reframing.   Brain science has discovered that situations associated with emotion create stronger memories than those lacking emotion.  So, our feelings play a huge part in determining how our brain utilizes input from our senses—what we hear, see, touch, smell, and taste.  Just as choosing to see a cloudy day as simply a cloudy day, rather than a bad day, we can teach ourselves to consciously replace tired old negative thinking with more accurate descriptions and associations.

How Does Reframing Affect Stress and Pain?

Remember how negative and hostile thoughts create tension in the body and increase stress?  Reframing what we experience is a powerful tool for decreasing stress.  It gives our parasympathetic nervous system permission to be in charge of our body—creating a calmer and more organized system than when the sympathetic nervous system (fight-fight-flee) is in charge.  Agitating and angry thoughts keep us in a state of mind that allows the sympathetic nervous system to dominate—essentially shutting down any body function not needed for dealing with an emergency.  Over the long term, staying in the fight-flight-flee mode keeps our body from normal housekeeping and repair.  Would you rather live in a body that resembles a well-kept house, or one that’s been hit by a tornado?

How Does Reframing Work?

A few techniques help us learn reframing.  If you practiced improving negative thoughts, you might already be very good at this; if not, this is a beneficial practice for everyone.  

1. Thinking Patterns:   Educate yourself on negative thinking patterns that increase stress levels.   Each of us has a practiced way of telling ourselves (self-talk) and others about what has happened to us—whether it’s a simple comment about going to the store or a story about what happened to us during things.  See if you recognize yourself in these negative explanatory styles.  Becoming aware of thinking patterns and how they affect us enables us to understand where we are and change what we want to make better.
2. Notice Thoughts:   We must be aware of something if we want to change it.  Being mindful (observing) of our thoughts will help us catch negative thinking.  The goal is not to judge or label our thoughts—it’s just to become an observer.  In the process, we discover that thoughts are just thoughts; they are not the living, breathing us.  They are a product of the way we’ve learned to respond to life from our earliest days —what we’ve been modeled and choices we make every day.  
3. Challenge Your Thoughts:  It’s not a requirement to continue thinking the way you’ve always thought.  Here’s your chance to be in charge!  A simple question is all it takes—is that really true?…if I’m honest with myself, do I truly believe that?…what percentage of that is true and what percent is total rubbish? …is that thought uniquely mine, or something I picked up from someone else?  Make this a game at first, and you’ll find it gets easier the more you do it.
4. Replace Negative Thoughts with More Accurate Thoughts:  Negative thoughts are often inaccurate—at least partly.  So just giving them the truth test is the first step to reframing an event or thought.  Through a more objective approach—less emotion-driven—we are more likely to find challenges where once there were barriers or recognize our strengths in the face of obstacles.

Dr. Burns helps us use reframing through word usage:  “When you’re looking at something negative, see if you can change your self-talk to use less strong, less negative emotions.”  After listening to your own self-talk, you may be able to create your own list:

Labelling situations or ourselves—or allowing others to use undefined labels—can send us down a path of negativity.  So, using accurate and defined language when we talk to others and to ourselves is a valuable tool.  Here’s a little game you can play as a group that shows how easy it is to use “label” words without everyone being on the same page:  The group facilitator will say a word or phrase we hear often [pain, sleep deprived, healthy, chronic, anxiety, refresh, depression], and then each group member has a chance to tell what it means to them.  For example, we often hear the words “move forward.” See how individuals “hear” this from their perspective:

…after obsessing for weeks over why he was fired, he decided to move forward.

…the victim forgave her assailant in order to move forward.

…a company meets with hostility when they consider downsizing; executives decide to move forward.

…at the car wash, the attendant motioned for the next car to move forward. 

Read the phrases again and replace “move forward” with these:  look for something different, focus on other things, proceed, change his/her/their perspective, grow, pull ahead.  How do the meanings change?  Do they make more sense or become nonsensical?

Behavioral scientist, Anette Prehn writes that the “more one focuses on a particular interpretation of a situation, the more this is held stable and becomes ‘the reality.’”4 By practicing reframing, we move from “unconsciously” assigning meanings to events that leave us feeling isolated and hopeless, to assigning meaning that can generate feelings of resilience and hope. 

Reframing a situation naturally occurs when we get curious—about what happened, about our reaction, what emotional effect it is having, looking at something from the other person’s point of view, asking about the truthfulness of our self-talk, and pondering elements of an event that are an opportunity for gratitude.  Curiosity, it turns out, releases different brain chemicals than worrying or obsessing—chemicals that induce calm, rather than chaos in the nervous system.  Dr. Kashdan explains in his Ted Talk that curiosity and anxiety cannot co-exist.  

Focusing on personal strengths helps to overwrite overly emotional stories.  Since the brain can focus well on only one thing at a time, finding something creative and rewarding to concentrate on reduces the amount of time we focus on negativity.